Polygamy - If It Is In The Bible Then Why Is It Wrong?
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The practice of a man having more than one wife has been around for quite a long time. However, many people never really let it cross their minds because they do not live that lifestyle and they do not know anyone who lived that lifestyle.
TLC has introduced a series called 'Sister Wives' which is a reality show about a man named Kody Brown and his four wives. He is a polygamist and, as he claims, a Godly one. Since the introduction of this show I think it is fair to say that many people who never thought about it, now do and wonder if it is right or wrong.
The Ones Who Think It Is Right
Many people see nothing wrong with Polygamy. Some Mormons still practice it -Kody Brown and his family being an example- and it also occurs in the Muslim religion.
A man is allowed to have as many wives as he wants as long as he is able to provide for them financially and care for them emotionally. The more wives a man has, in some cases, the more Godly he is.
You might be wondering what exactly is the argument used to support polygamy. Well it comes from the Bible and the many wives that certain men of God had.
The idea that God is alright with a man having multiple wives comes from the fact that the men recorded in the Bible - and in the Qur'an for those of the Islamic faith- had them and to some it would almost appear as though God were pleased that they did.
The Ones Who Think It Is Wrong
Just as there are many who see nothing wrong with Polygamy, there are those who see everything wrong with it.
Some people honestly do not know how to express the reason they think polygamy is wrong. Their arguments is basically -'Well it just is.'
Others use the Bible as a counter-argumentative tool citing Scripture verses in both the Old and the New Testament to support their claim.
"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Genesis 2:24 K.J.V.
Is used as an illustration to present the fact that a man is to be joined to his wife singular not wives plural. This verse is also said again in Ephesians Chapter 5 verse 30.
1st Timothy Chapter 3 verse 2 is another piece of Scripture that is used to prove that Polygamy is wrong. It says:
"A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach...."
This 'husband of one wife' stipulation is repeated again in the same Chapter and the point is made that any man who is a Godly man would live a life that is as clean and righteous as a bishop or deacon would whether or not they be a bishop or a deacon.
What I think About Polygamy
Hearing both sides of the argument, I too searched in the Bible for the answer. I looked at the men in the Bible who had more than one wife, their relationships with said wives and what is recorded about what God thinks about a man having multiple wives.
Polygamous Relationships In The Bible
The first insight to a polygamous relationship in the Bible is in the Book of Genesis. Lamech, a descendant of Cain, is recorded as taking two wives. It is recorded that he was also a murderer as his ancestor Cain was. Not much is said about him except that he told his two wives that:
"If Cain shall be avenged sevenfold, truly Lamech seventy and sevenfold." Genesis 4:24 K.J.V.
Abraham And His Wives
Further on in The Book of Genesis we meet Abraham. Now Abraham had a wife named Sarah and she was barren. Although the Lord told Abraham that He would give him a son through Sarah, Abraham did not listen to God. He instead listened to Sarah and took her maid Hagar as his concubine. The result was Ishmael but he was not the son the Lord had promised Abraham and God told him so quite frankly. (See Genesis 17:19 -22)
So to be clear - God never told Abraham to go and take another wife besides Sarah. It was his and Sarah's decision and he took Hagar as his concubine, not wife.To be fair having a concubine is like having a wife but in the end Abraham did it, as far as we know, by himself.
Later on, after Sarah died, the Bible says that Abraham took another wife named Keturah and that he had concubines that bore him children as well. It never says whether that pleased God or not. But it is recorded that while Sarah was alive, she was his sole wife and when she was gone, Keturah was his sole wife.
Jacob And His Wives
Isaac, the son of Abraham, is recorded as having only one wife, Rebekah. It is written that he loved her greatly. A generation passes and then the twins are presented - Jacob and Esau.
Esau took for himself many wives. But like Cain, Esau cannot be used as an example because it is well established in the Bible that the Lord's favor did not fall upon him. Indeed, the Bible states that the Lord loved Jacob but hated Esau.
Now Jacob had more than one wife. He had two - Rachel and Leah, and two concubines, the women's maids Bilhah and Zilpah.
In the first place Jacob only ever wanted one wife. How do we know? Because he worked seven years for Laban in order to marry Rachel as he loved her very much. His father-in-law tricked him into marrying his first daughter Leah instead of Rachel. So Jacob ended up with two wives. One was loved and the other was loved as well but not the same way.
The Bible says that Leah was miserable in her marriage and that she was comforted by the Lord and given the blessing of children. Rachel the loved one, on the other hand, was barren.
After awhile, the Lord heard Rachel's prayer and gave her a son but Leah was still the less favored one and nothing that she did caused Jacob to love her more.
David And His Wives
David had many wives and still he chased after Bathsheba. She belonged to another but he pursued her. As in the case of Jacob and Abraham, the Bible does not state whether God was pleased that David took so many wives. He had eight wives not inclusive of concubines.Their names were :Abigail, Michal, Ahinoam, Maacah, Eglah, Abital, Haggith, and Bathsheba. It is fair to conclude that no wife stirred David more than Bathsheba. Their son Solomon continued on with his father's practice of having more than one wife.
Solomon And His Wives
Perhaps the most famous for his wisdom, Solomon is also known for his very many wives. Seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines had Solomon. That comes to a grand total of one thousand women belonging to King Solomon. Can one honestly come to the conclusion that he loved all equally? It is more likely that he sometimes forgot their names. Well the Bible did say something about the wives of Solomon.
And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart.
For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father.1 Kings 11: 3-4 K.J.V.
So what did I learn concerning the Bible's records of polygamous marriages and other Scriptures concerning marriage?
1. There will always be a favorite wife. One wife will be happy while the other (or others) will be decidedly not. Kody Brown says in the intro that love should be mulitiplied and not divided. Clearly, in Jacob's case, it could not. He loved Rachel, cared for Leah, and the Bible never even mentions what he thought of Bilhah and Zilpah.
In both David and Solomon's lives there appeared to be a favorite as well. In David's case Bathsheba. His last days was spent in her presence and her son gained the throne of Israel.
In Solomon's case his favorite was written about in the Song of Solomon.
Esther was Ahasherus's favorite wife, so was Hannah Elkanah's favorite. Tamar, the mother of Pharez and Zarah certainly was not Judah's favorite. He acknowledged that she was owed the duty of having a child but he never touched her again according to the Scriptures. Rehoboam loved Maachah most out of all his wives and concubines, says the Bible, and he had over seventy of them. (See 2 Chronicles 11:21)
2. Having many wives can cause your children to sin. Whoa! Where did that come from? Well from Jacob and David that's where.
Both Jacob and David's sons slept with their father's concubines.
Jacob's eldest son Reuben, lay with Bilhah, one of his father's concubines. She was the maid servant of Rachel and was the mother of Dan and Naphtali. As a result of Reuben's actions, this was prophesied of him by his father:
"Reuben, thou art my firstborn, my might, and the beginning of my strength, the excellency of dignity, and the excellency of power:
Unstable as water, thou shalt not excel; because thou wentest up to thy father's bed; then defiledst thou it: he went up to my couch"Genesis 49: 3-4 K.J.V.
David's third son, Absalom, lay with his father's concubines in order to dishonor him. He did it in the sight of Israel as well.
"So they spread Absalom a tent upon the top of the house; and Absalom went in unto his father's concubines in the sight of all Israel." 2 Samuel 16:22 K.J.V.
I can only conclude that those women who are not as special to the husband become as worthless to the children and it is easy to dishonor and disrespect them.
3. God does not approve of polygamous marriage. From the get go, God made one man and one woman. It was enough. If it wasn't then He would have made a few more wives for Adam but the Bible only records Eve.
In the Book of Deuteronomy, the law talks about the conditions that determine whether a man can divorce or not. Later on in the New Testament, Jesus addresses that law and says that it was made because of the hardness of men's hearts and their stubbornness. I believe that the men of God who did have many wives were hard of heart in that area and sowed to their lusts rather than the will of God.
So why was polygamy mentioned in the Bible in the first place if it is so wrong?
Well flip through the Bible and you will see all sin there written in black and white for you to see and understand. The Bible is filled with the record of man and his sinful nature. Men of God, though they had wisdom and were credited with righteousness, were not perfect. Their imperfections and flaws, which were their sins, were highlighted so that when The Perfect One came upon the earth we would see His cleanliness all the more better. No one's righteousness can compare, yes, all our righteousness are as filthy rags. His goodness is glorified as it should be and it is painfully obvious that from the minute sin entered the world, we needed a Savior and it could only be Him.
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I would fall into the camp that believes that polygamy is wrong. However, I thought your HUB was interesting as this is always a subject that ignites sparks.
The one issue of the Bible is that all references to multiple wives is found in the Old Testament. There are no New Testament scriptures that I can think of that would support the idea of having multiple wives.
If we take the OT as our proxy then we would also have to believe that incest is okay. Sarah was Abraham's sister. There are also other accounts especially early on where family members marry. Non-the-less this will probably be one of those forever argued subjects.
Good writing!
This is a very well researched and presented hub. You have fairly and honestly approached the subject and, I think, handled the scriptures accurately in coming to your own conclusion. Thank you for providing a handy biblical reference hub to a thorny question.
BTW, I agree with your conclusions, and like the way you rounded it up; an opening for the gospel message.
Lots of things are not specifically forbidden in the BIble but have been taught by the church as being forbidden. For example, the Bible never specifically condemns sex outside of marriage between a man and a woman. it specifically cites homosexuality, beastiality and adultery, but never consentual sex bewteen unmarried people in a committed relationship. Words like "sexual immorality" and "fornication" are used and often said to mean the same thing, but these do not agree witht he meaning in the original language. Most Christians now believe that the Bible specifically condemns sex outside of marriage but this is innacurate. it's a grey area and has to do more with Jewish tradition, upon which the bulk of the bIble was written, then Biblical Christianity. The same could be said of polygamy. While I can't imagine having more then one wife, in other countries and other hemisphere's it's the norm. The Bible was written in the east and yet we view it's commands through a western lense. Good hub. Thanks for sharing!
I think it also pays to consider that if the bible had to 'specifically' tell us everything we can and couldn't, it would be a cumbersome and burdensome tome; for example, it doesn't 'specifically' tell us not to get high on heroin, etc.
I don't actually believe it's wrong to "get high on heroin". it is wrong to abuse heroin because the Bible wanrs us to be temperate in all things, but to say it is wrong, I'll need Biblical evidence. I'm not looking for loopholes, just tired of peopel saying something is in the Bible when it's not. Jesus, when asked which commandment was the most important said that loving God and serving Him only and love your neighbor as yourself are what the commandments boil down too. These are the only two commandments He specifically sites. I don't want preachers and churches teaching things as being biblical when they're not. There are certainly good reasons not be polygamist and to abstain from promiscuous sex outside of marriage, but state these as a matter of opinion, not as biblical mandate-- because they're not. In fact, sex is such as important part of marriage. Lack of sexual compatability is one of the reasons my ex wife and her husband are no longer together, and I can name countless others in my peer group alone. I think the church is doing a disservice to people and to God by telling people, especially horny teenagers, that sex outside of marriage is sinful, when the Bible does not state that and, historically, the church didn't even teach that until very recently. The Bible warns to to add to it or take away from it. If it's not in it, pastors and ministers should not say it is. As long as you're following Jesus command to "love God" and "love your neighbor" the rest is between God and the individual. While the Bible does give certain standards for bishops and church leaders, as far as I have been able to find, it does not for the lay person. I'm an earnest seeker of the truth, I take the BIble as the literal word of God and if the Bible doesn't specifically condemn something, we don't have the right to say it does. That's the slippery slope of a cultist.
@PDX' ~ You are quite right regarding heroin highs, my comment should be interpreted in the abused substance sense; so we agree... I think.
To speak where the bible speaks and remain silent where it is silent, is a noble goal; one I aim for also.
I like the way you refer to the 'Greatest commandments' as a boiling down of all the commandments. Jesus was so much more interested in the heart of our obedience, than the details; though, I think, that had little to do with the details being unimportant. I understand loving God with my all as the greatest commandment because, in part, it encompasses all of Gods will within the sphere of the greatest motive; love.
One biblical principle I aim to live by is the "fruit test". Of what profit will any given behaviour of mine bring about? What fruit will it bare? I think much of God's will can be determined by living by such a principle.
I hope to bump into you more often on HP. God bless.
Parrster, I look fwd to reading your stuff in the future. My views on things like sex, drugs (especially marijuana. i thinik it's sinful the way we ignore this amazing natural resource so pharmatcuetical companies can line their pockets) and even salvation differ from a lot of conservative Christians. Thsi isn't because (neccesarily) I want to rock the boat but stems more from a desire and active interest in taking things back to the simplest forms and reevaluating them
Terrific argument for monogamy. Great hub.
other things in the Bible: infanticide, adultery, incest, murder, the destruction of innocents: and these are just among God's people.
I've watched Sister Wives several times. While the people involved in this plural marriage seem to be very nice people who claim that their faith causes them to choose this lifestyle they have given no scriptural endorsement showing that they are right. I was hoping to find the scriptures that they believe tell them that plural marriage is what God really wants them to participate in. I appreciate this explanation of why you believe that polygamy is wrong. I totally agree. Thanks, again.
North Wind- I agree with you. Just being argumentative :-)
Maybe the morality of polygamy is culturally based? I recall from some article that polygamy usually disappears when private property is introduced to a political system. If you lived in the past middle east (when people like David and Abraham lived), it was near impossible for a woman to make a living alone. Maybe polygamy was a moral option then, even morally obligated in the case of levirate marriage. Now, because there is no necessity, we can practically return to God's original plan.
Nobody should tell you and your partner what the right way is to handle the question but the both of you or more of you in case of as you obviously don't hurt eachother but care & love eachother. Just because most people haven been raised to love the way taught by the church doesn't mean that you have to follow that way and live your life in that limited version of love. As far that I know there have also been women in the past having many men. So it doesn't go in just 1 way. If these are relationships that "WORK", why not? At least the polygamist seem to have a formula that works & isn't based on jealousy like most Bigamist where the people involved are acting like being in "Ownership" of the partner, not knowing if the so-called partner Loves you or not as it is related to conditions that are given with the concept they've been raised into, believing firmly they've been radically born with it and are their own convictions with the one and only true way to love ... Pretty limited if you ask me and pretty conditional, coming from a direction that preaches "Unconditional Love" ... isn't that a little bit dysfunctional by design? My point is, even if I have a bigamist relationship, I can recognize that those having a polygamous relationship and mean it with their hearts just as serious as usual couples, have the advantage that they are not controlling each other 24/7 as the "CAN" tell what they really feel. In a bigamy ... that barely works. Too much dysfunctional rules that at the end of the day do not really involve love even if it's driven by love ... at least, should be ...
My say is, be free to decide on your own in the extend of your capacity to express yourself freely & without false guilt, otherwise, you've never been a free human being.
All is good as long you don't hurt anyone in your relationship and are able to spread love throughout it & beyond.
Who said that isn't possible when it is said that we're made at the image of God, means .. We are Creators just like GOD & therefore
"WE CAN EVERYTHING WITH LOVE"
We are spiritual Beings having a human experience!!!
And yes indeed, you don't have to agree with my arguments, that's absolutely ok. But that will just define how wide or restricted you're able to love or not to love, you will always be "right" for yourself on your own point of view and therefore your experiences will mirror that "Likewise". If you decided to be an imitator, why not, so be it! But it's just and only how far you decided to go for yourself, other people have gone way beyond that believe up the moment they realized that it is just that; a believe. That god is judging is also "Man-Made" believes, guilt works best in that matter. You don't have to agree with what I am saying. Like I told before, your believes will be a big part of how your life is formed and shaped, so ... if you ask me, in order to be able to control as much people as possible on "How" they do things in their daily life, it's pretty fortunate for some institutions of the past & in our contemporary times to have understood the human psyche at its very core and happen to be those who wrote & explain us what we have to feel & think, to tell what is good for us and wrong even if what we do, only spreads love and is harmless. I've had enough experiences to make the difference between a spiritual reality and a handbook that is just a road-map for dysfunctional behavior in order for us/you/me to never discover who we really are ..
But when the time comes and someone is ready to leave fears & the BS behind him/her, the shape of what GOD & the world really is, will pop up straight in front of his/her eyes and s/he will realize that only his/her way to believe, to think & perceive made it impossible to see what was obvious the whole time even though that it also stood straight in front of him/her ... the whole time.
But don't take my word for it and just allow yourself to make your experiences outside the box of what you you've been taught and with your own capacity to feel & understand ... that is a big difference and asks a lot of courage. so I also don't just say this lightly.
My believes do not define who you are and how far and deep you're able to love, same the other way around. You're the only one doing that and responsible for it. In the same extend you won't be able to see what's really going on as your believes "prevail" the reality of what is perceived by you as being separated from you. Don't be offended but theories spread by repetitions are easy talk. Everybody is free to define him/herself to what s/he believes to be possible and that's what then is or will be reality in his/her life. For some this potential will be ... like Heaven On Earth Within & Outside themselves, for some just "To good 2 Be true", for others seeing that happening, the denial will only downgrade it to the level of being just an illusion & a lie opposed to their believes ... yeah, I mean ... it's a choice and that very choice shapes everything around your life.
I choose to make choices that make others happy, me included! Plain and simple! Because thinking too much with thoughts that are eventually not even ours, may let pop up problems that wouldn't even be there in a 1st place.
Just being happy to make others happy on their terms & independently of what we believe to be best for them, that is a clear sign of love. Question is, are you free enough to be that mighty?!
Thanks, indeed for that great hub. Really interesting subject as such.
Well, I'm in a box when I socialize and I leave that box to the outside as I do not "need" it especially & I go beyond that when I don't (socialize). I know that I'm not my thoughts, not my emotions, not my mind and yes, indeed there's something greater than the human mind and the "something Greater" you talk about is the very core of who you really are. But I guess that telling you that, doesn't give you the experience of it so, it has still to happen, but that's only something that I suppose. About love that's pretty easy and nobody can be mistaken about what its nature is; some embrace it and other fear it. It's nothing that you think when it goes through your skin and the entirety of your being, ... what I said is that some institutions happen to know exactly how the psyche of the wo/men work and as most people don't question anything at all, they know just a part of themselves as mostly... they don't even want to know more than that. Yet .. it remains incomplete because of that. That's pretty easy to observe and when people ask themselves after years and years of many different experiences they've gone through, who they are ... ?! Well that shoes it even more that now they start to follow their direction and doesn't even have the need to be a "religious" insight. Most actually even aren't. But the spiritual nature of the question is obvious. Spirituality and religion is not the same. Religions showed up at some point in time and will vanish just as they came in comparison of Spirituality, that was there long before, has no time window because it just "Is" and can't vanish, be destroyed, or harmed. And that's what everybody has without any exception. But these are things that you experienced or you didn't and maybe don't want. Bottom-line, I'm not into using a Believe like it would be an experience; so not the same. I just believe that I CAN and the Experience follows, sometime later, sometimes earlier than expected. Time has plays nor real rules here. I am not caught in my believes by thinking I am free. Of course not everybody is caught into them, that's for sure ... But a lot of people are and don't know it yet. God doesn't make prisoners, Men do such things because we live in a dual world, a dual dimension. That's a typical Men's Type Of Business. I didn't say your thinking was wrong. I said you will be right every time you think/speak about what you believe that God is, the world and the bible. I jumped out of this and wanted to really know, no matter what I though, felt &/or believed about all this before as this is the only way .. to disclose things. When done everyone can go back to his/her daily routine of point of views. But something will be different after that. I speak out of experience, and that's what nobody can write for you.
Why should your words be less worth what is written in the bible when you're made at the image of GOD? I don't separate God from me. You & I are part of him/her/it just as him/her/it is part of me & of you. So I consider my word having an equal value and being just as spiritual when I choose to express that way. When I discover, therefore know and understand that I CAN ... why should I deny my birthright that is also yours and that of any human being on the planet who's actually a holly spiritual being? Slave you are if you define yourself that way or accept it to be imposed on you. Everybody at some point in his/her life is or was it, to his/her emotions, thoughts, body .. etc..etc...the list goes on. Is it something that is destined to remain that way? Not at all. What is the definition of a slave? A being who's not allowed to do what s/he wants because some authority decided for him/her what s/he's allowed to do, to think, to say, to express, if even at all ...! In my experience, honestly? God is way better than that and not into Slavery-Business. For you what I say are just my words and like I explained earlier, that's totally fine. The why it is so, I also explained so I don't need to come back to this. Doubts are only present & strong when you don't know and experiences & their shape, tell you what you need to know and are ready to hear, see, feel, smell in the extend of your capabilities of the moment to grasp it. No Western Bible/religion goes there. Theories yes, but a true way/manner to connect with your inner spirit, The spiritual sparkle within yourself? No, they send you look outside behind the trees and even tell you how God is going to look like ...Noting wrong with that, but if it does and that you want to really know what's wrong and what isn't, you will figure it out on your own or maybe with help.
Ah yeah! And talking about Jesus; wasn't it Jesus who said:
"You will do incredible things (miracles) just like I did if not better; you just have to believe that YOU CAN ... ;-)!"
That has unfortunately been changed in the bible from it's original into:
" ...you just have to believe in my name.."
So 2 versions, 2 mindsets ... guess, which one is the real one?!
for my part, I know ... for your part, you can believe whatever you choose to believe. Point is, believing doesn't make you "know" the truth as the nature of both are different in the way it's supposed to serve you. And to be in Hell or in heaven, you don't need to leave planet earth by dying. You can choose to make your whole life to be all about one of both, a mix of both or being excluded from one when being imposed on the other, peace of cake to figure out which one is what. Look what happens throughout the world and you can't even miss it .. normally ...
If God was a best Buddy (... and I'm pretty sure he is way more than that..;-)..), there's no place for a "Make Prisoner"-Mindset & even more, no place for shackles in Hell because you're supposed having turned your back on him, all this by dual choice as Only choice. I write my own script if you mind as the bible doesn't go along with my path well enough to be accurate. But on this I guess that free will is exactly what it's all about, isn't it? And the churches do not like when you choose God over them, they just don't. That's just the way it is, it's not a blame but just a fact you can be aware of or you don't.
















HOOWANTSTONO 7 months ago
Polygamy might be in the bible but it doesnt mean you should practice it.
1Ti 3:2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;
1Ti 3:12 Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.
Tts 1:6 If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly.
Peace